Getting your child to listen doesn’t have to mean raising your voice. Kirsten, our Behaviour Specialist, shares simple, connection-first strategies that actually work (and build stronger relationships along the way).
If you’ve ever found yourself repeating the same instruction over and over, or raising your voice just to be heard, you’re not alone.
The truth is that young children aren’t wired to respond instantly or consistently. Listening is a skill that develops over time, and its closely linked to connection, not control. Before children can follow directions, they need to feel connected. When a child is busy, overwhelmed, or disconnected, they’re far less likely to listen, no matter how many times we ask.
Instead of calling out from across the room, come close and connect first by:
· Getting down to your child’s level
· Using their name
· Making eye contact (if they are comfortable with this)
· Gently touching their shoulder or hand
Long explanations can be overwhelming for young children so keep your language clear and simple. Instead of “Can you please go and put your shoes on because we’re running late and need to leave soon” try, “Shoes on please”. Short, clear instructions are easier for children to process and follow. Sometimes it helps if your child doesn’t regard your instruction as a demand, so you can try using declarative language for example “I’m putting my shoes on” and they will tend to do the same. Using connection-based language also invites cooperation instead of demanding it, for example, “Let’s do this together” or “I’ll help you get started”
It is important to have clear, calm boundaries that children can trust will be consistent. If you say “It’s time to pack away now” and your child resists, you can respond with “I know you want to keep playing. It’s time to pack away”.
One of the biggest reasons that children don’t listen is because they’ve learned they don’t have to. If we repeat instructions without follow-through, children learn to wait until we’ve repeated it several times. Therefore, it is important to follow through consistently after 1 or 2 requests, but no more.
Try and stay calm even though this is difficult at times. Yelling can get immediate attention but it doesn’t build long-term listening skills. When we stay calm, we model the regulation we want children to hear. If you feel yourself getting overwhelmed, pause before responding. It’s ok to take a breath!
Young children are still developing impulse control, attention and emotional regulation as well as a whole lot of other skills. What looks like ‘not listening’ can often be because they are deeply engaged in play, struggling to transition from one activity or environment to another or feeling overwhelmed.
With connection, clear expectations and consistency, listening improves over time. These strategies not only support children’s behaviour, they also strengthen your relationship with them, creating a calmer and more connected home environment.
Meet the author
Kirsten is our Behaviour Specialist at The Grove Academy, bringing a strong background in Psychology, Allied Health, and Early Childhood Education. With an Honours Degree in Psychology and a Diploma in Early Childhood, she has extensive experience supporting children across early learning centres, schools, clinics, and home environments. She works closely with children, educators, and families, using evidence-based, strengths-based approaches to support social, emotional, and behavioural development. Passionate about creating safe, inclusive environments, Kirsten focuses on practical strategies that build confidence, foster connection, and help every child thrive.
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